He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
