I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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