Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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