Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
