I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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