bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i will never coherently bang her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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