small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
