i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
