Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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