There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
