you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
