Moan for me like Helen Keller
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.