omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"