You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.