my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.