Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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