Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
