he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
