man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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