Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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