A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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