i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
