you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
