Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
