I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
