McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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