I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
