38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
His nipple licking is glorious
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