am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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