the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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