so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
