Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
