sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
