I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I touched a dick in church today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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