A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
