Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
