Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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