Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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