does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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