I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
