guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
