If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
