Can i not drive my cunt home
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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