its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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