dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
