I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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