im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize