I puked a lego.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize