My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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