I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
