brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
