Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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