he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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