Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
