the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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