can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
