alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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