Your mouth is God's brothel.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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