I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize