your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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