guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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