The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
