oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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