What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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