so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
