We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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