It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
