You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
