Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
