i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
