Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
