My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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