I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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